I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
