he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
