1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize