last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize