and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
