i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
