erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
