just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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