In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize