hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
