Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
