I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
