Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize