I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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