he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
