i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What a dumb baby whore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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