Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
