am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Boobs are out for the taking
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
