Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
