I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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