This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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