Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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