addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
