I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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