You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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