I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
