I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
