ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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