Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
