She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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