Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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