Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
