Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize