We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So many bounce houses so little time
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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