so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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