youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
