i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
