I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
These tits shall not be calmed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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