ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize