My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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