All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
