so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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