Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
