Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
