he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
