Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
