oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
