I think i peed on brittanys purse
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
