YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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