If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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