I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
