Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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