OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
