and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
