Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
