He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
