I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize