and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
