Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
