hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
