How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize