:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
