I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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