I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
