Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
